Book Excerpt: Raising Thousands of Dollars with Email

As far as email copy is concerned, there are two key writing components. The first is the subject line; the second is the body of the email itself. Since readers encounter the subject line first, let's begin there.

The Scoop on Subject Lines

Talk about time being of the essence! To capture your constituents' attention and convince them that of the many emails bombarding their inbox, yours is the one they must read, you have a grand total of…one to two seconds!

With that in mind, let's address a few subject-line fundamentals:

• Length. Email programs vary as to how many characters your reader will see. Be on the safe side and keep yours to about 50 characters.
• Shouting symbols ($,!,CAPS,*) and words such as "free," "sale," and "teens" will land you in the spam filter. Avoid them. (Stay up-to-date on the "words to avoid' list by visiting: www.emailsherpa.com or www.clickz.com.)

Tell, Tease, Take Action

Depending on the situation, you'll speak in different voices with your subject line. For example, if your issue is timely, and your relationship with the donor is well established, your job may simply be to "tell" him or her what is happening. Here's what I mean:

• A crisis occurs overseas and a relief agency sends an email letting donors know how they can help: "Send a blanket to Bamgarian flood victims."
• The "telling" approach also holds true for emails that help your users take care of business: "Order your Golf Gala tickets now," or "Your membership expires soon -- renew today."
• Messages with time-sensitive content fall into the "telling" category as well: "Six vegan-friendly ways to decorate Easter eggs," delivered a few days before the holiday.

However, you won't always have straightforward opportunities to "tell" the facts. Here's when a little "teasing" is needed to get your reader's attention:

• An email landed in my box last week with this subject line: "The movie President Bush doesn't want you to see." That provocative approach works for me … I want to find out just what that movie is.
• Another way to tease is by being a bit clever. Quick, easy-to-scan clever: "It's beginning to look a lot like justice..." sent just before the Christmas holidays by Earthjustice.

Lastly, whether you're telling or teasing, it's always important to use your subject line to call your readers to action. After all, nothing happens (i.e. sending you a donation, filling out a petition) until they take the next step.

The best "take action" emails are:

• Specific. Rather than exhort readers to "Tell them no'" say instead: "Tell Big Tobacco to stop selling to children."
• Well timed. Ideally, the topic is in the news.
• Local, if possible. "Tell Big Tobacco to stop selling to Boston children."

Once you've motivated your constituents to open your email, it's critical to give them something good to read.

Composing an Email: Four Elements

Writing good emails starts with the basics of writing good copy, period. You must have a story to tell, offer a compelling reason to give, and use clear and persuasive language. Only a few key elements distinguish email copy from other forms of writing:

1. Make your email scan-able.

How do you read your own email? Do you pore over every word? Of course not. Neither do your constituents. If you're like most people, you tend to scan rather than read your messages.

Therefore make sure your message is "scan-able." That means:

• Short sentences
• Short paragraphs
• Numerous links to your donation page
• Graphic insets telling your reader what to do
• Bullets
• Selective use of bold and italics (reserve underlining for hyperlinks only)

Using these guidelines, your goal is to create a persuasive message that, in seven seconds or so, tells your constituent exactly what to do.

2. Keep it simple and short.

In a direct-mail fundraising letter, you have pages (sometimes as many as eight!) to let your story unfold. Not so with email!

Chances are good your constituents are a bit overwhelmed by the volume of email they receive, and a windy email will only add to the deluge. Keeping your message short and to the point is a service to your recipients. That means:

• Presenting only one or two key points
• Using as few words a possible to state your case
• Avoiding the history of your appeal (this is no time for background info)

3. Be aware of "preview panes."

Many of your readers won't get past the part of your email visible in their "preview panes." Here's an email I recently received from The Humane Society:

Note how the issue and the ask are prominent in the first few sentences. You needn't read any further to grasp the point of this email.

That first impression is critical to your success. Treat those top few inches of copy and design as precious real estate. Tell your whole story right there.

4. Keep the medium in mind.

Email tends to be more casual than print. That means a more personal, less formal tone is appropriate and even expected. For example:

• Salutations and closings are typically more relaxed. A letter might begin with "Dear Ms. Stanionis," while an email would start with "Hello Madeline."
• Email copywriters tend to use more colloquial terms. Direct-mail copy might say, "We were truly overwhelmed by the generous response to our request." In email, that translates to, "Wow! You overwhelmed us (and that's hard to do)!"
• An up-to-the-minute style of writing is also appropriate. In direct mail language: "It was lovely to celebrate our anniversary with you last month." In email: "I'm writing this at midnight, just getting home after the anniversary party. Whew! What a night."

I've highlighted [here] a few subtle ways in which writing email is different from other forms of writing. Still, good writing is good writing: specific, clear, and forceful. Email hasn't changed that a bit!